guilt

again. just finished another paper. heh. it was okay. but defineatly not gonna get me that distinction i want. fuck. another paper screwed. again. sheesh. no more slacking off.

on a more guilt matter. during the exam. i accidentally gave my friend the wrong solution. so now, he just fucked his paper. normally i wouldnt give a fuck but somehow this time since the results was really important to him. i just fucked him up.

aiee. the guilt

crucify me and take part my arms and legs.

fuck i feel guilty. guilt guilt guilt.

--

i just visited an old er. should i say, sponsor's website. fuck has she changed. not in a good way. heh. i think i made a very good decision by leaving. would've been in more deep shits till now if i havent.

harrr. i made the right choice! muahhah!

bump bump

just gotten out from my first exams for the finals. first paper was 'Tamadun Islam' or 'Islamic Civilization' which well i'll admit i'm not exactly the most knowledgeable on this matter. since i did studied only like 2 hours yesterday. a merit would be fine with me. i hope.

yesterday a friend of mine gotten into an accident. the was drivin at 3rd gear and was about to reach a junction when this moron of a driver happily appeared when he's suppose to stop for a red light. so in short my friend hit him at headon. to make matters worst. this fucker came out and said in a faggotish tone 'i tot you were gonna stop for me..'

my god. for the first time, i didnt know there was such a imbecile driver around. hello? its a fucking red light .. you are suppose to stop at RED. GODDAMMIT! who the fuck taught you to drive?! so anyways, he starts to get all faggotish and talk rubbish abt he's not wrong and stuff. typical denial for morons thing. yada yada yada.

off to the police station. where i had to wait for my friend to make a report. bla bla bla. see the officer yada yada. i wasted the whole evening of studying just by being there for that mofo to actualyl admit he was wrong.

heh. if the fucker wins the case. i hope he crashes again and this time. total eradication of car with him innit. muahha.

just to brag.

suff's accident record: 0 count.

and you fuckers didnt believe i'm a good driver. bah!

--

i got the whole layout thinked out and half of the design is already done on photoshop. i just need to learn abt the coding and how the fuck to use dreamweaver or frontpage. whichever is easier. will get on that as soon as my holidays start.

my eyes are gettin sore from starin at this plain whitish crap text buletin i call blog.

it'll all change soon. be patient with me. ;)

torn.

just got back from futsol. bah too tired to go into details.

my contacts tore. that means no more good lookin suff. only nerdy suff is left.
fuck.

i hate being short sighted. i will get an eye operation to cure this shortcoming. bah wouldnt be suprised if i had to pay it myself either.

not sure what i'm feeling right now. its a mixture of depressed/fatique/troubled as if it could get any worst than that.

i need to find my sanctuary again...

space. trouble foot

okay. first off. i'm currently using a laptop. which is only a moderate one nothing fancy. i'm okay with it since this is the only one i could afford. the only fucking problem now is. insufficient space!! arghh. i've already bought a fucking 512 ram for it. so no problem doing simultaneous works. but fuck i got no more space! 20 gig isnt enoughhh!! worst part is. to get a new hard drive is bloody FUCKING expensive. 60 gig is like 400 quids. where the fuck am i gonna find 400 bucks! arghhh!!

pc fair is near ya might say. but i'm already saving cash to get me a new memory card for me phone. aieee. bah!

--

so being a good servant of god that i am. i decided to skip prayers today. *smiles awkwardly* so i decided to do some banking and visit the nearest computer shop to get some cd's. so now i have 'dreamweaver' on my pc.

*laughs in glee*

but.

arrr!
i kno shit on how the fuck to use it.
arrr!
my pc keeps on hanging.
arrr!
mom's nagging.

so i've decided to postpone my superb creativity for my new layout for during the holidays. just when i was started to have fun. got lotsa work to do on me com during the hols.

--

tomorrow at 6am my sister will be arriving at klia frm brisbane oz. havent seen her in a year. says she got darker. gettin ready to burst with laughter. i'm sucha good brother.

she says that she's gonna bring back a friend of hers whom will be stayin over. she's french, names isabelle. according to me sis she's quite hot.

*chechingggg!*

let the games begin.. >:) i'm a bad boy. bad baaad boy.

--

plans for the holidays. since my trip to uk is fucked till june.

• design new layout. (ph33r m3!!)
• upgrade memory card & software for phone. (mobile h4xor)
• decide,plan, build final project. (financial / brain killer!)
• might me workin with mom's (heard the pay is gonna be abt 1k. mmhmmm!)

--

played a lil footie an hour back. been like 3 weeks since the last time i played. damn i'm rusty. passes and shooting so inaccurate. not to mention my right ankle is still hurting. fuck i guess i'm bound to the bench if the pain doesnt subside. fucker. so bloody demoralizing. just when i was about to be a star. guess i wasnt made for it.

sigh.

sigh..

my plague.

fuck that. might be playing again later tonight. as the super sub. no worries. i aint crazy to fuck up my ankle again.

fatique

have you ever felt so tired of things. assignments, work, studying and presentations? heh well. i felt pretty fucked up today. with the work which isnt done and the exams coming. well it aint exactly hard. but when theres fucking peer pressure to deal with its pretty much a fucking heavy load aint it?

right now i have my engineering science project which is not fucking working due to 'the fuck knows' reason. a time management project with massive amounts of accounts innit which i totally despise. e & e project which its simulation requires me to use a programme which i have no bloody idea on how to use. a viva test tomorrow. exams on religous studies on monday and 2 other fucking papers which i'm half ready for.

this is the part where i feel utterly fatique. i cant wait for the exams to be over and done with. its ridicule and injust that the fucking academic department to give us assignments & projects in such bloody short notice and expect us to finish it on time while scoring good grades. its fucking preposterous. fuckers.

this is where you'd actually see the standard of a Uni.

sigh.

--

on a lighter side. yesterday the lads took me out to see a movie since it was my birthday. 'The Incredibles' were absolutely brilliant. the story line was great, the characters were kewl and heh in simpler words its a bloody fucking marvelous show. 2 thumbs up from me.

1 character i would totally love to dress up as is 'Bomb - voyage'. i think. haha imagine a french bombing mime. fuck it totally cracked me up.

a thought ..

.. mr incredible married the perfect woman for him..
... with his super strengths he could easily break a girl into bits by fucking with her ..
.... but if your wife is elastics .. no problem there !

.. inflatable boobs on girls. every mans dream come true. haha! okay fuck i'll admit i'm a boob man.. bhahahaha. okay too much info there.

--

yesterday my sister called from uk. was nice to talk to her again. she's going to turkey in december to do a lil mountain skiing. just at that point i felt envious. i was suppose to go to uk in 2 weeks time for holidays with my cousin. but had to postpone plans since my pretty fucked up college gave us work on the very last minute. so i'll only be going there in june.

june.. 7 months time. fuck. i need a break or fuck i'll break. i worked my ass off to collect 2k for this trip. fuck if i dont go. i'll make sure i go. by hook or by crook. now i gotta wait.. again .. fuck do i hate waiting.

--

its time.

i need a girlfriend.

each second each moment in pure ecstacy.

i long for the thrill i used to get.

i need to play football... DUH!

--

girls are bad. girls bring trouble. girls suck money. but girls bring pleasure.

fuck.

back home.

ah, finally back in college. reached here on sunday afternoon and heh. glad to be back ere.

its kinda weird that i'd actually say this, since this is my first time staying in a campus. well okay it was pretty much a culture shock when i first reached here. but now heh. lovin it. literally.

*reachin college dorm..

ah.. the smell of good ol paperworks and assignments.. mmhmmm. good. then comes the screams, shouts and pure joy laughter. this is college. aint trying to exagerate things but seriously this place is where i'd find peace sometimes and well.. some of my closest friends live here. in this place. we are family.

its been a year and a half. semester's ending real soon and fuck the assignments really do kill. kill they may but i've grown so used to em that sometimes when i'd even start lookin for work when im free. its a habit to stay up late. its a fashion statement for having eye-bags. its a sign of hardwork to dress like a slacker during presentation. haha ok i was just talking bull.

--

so fuck that. its gonna be another year here. then its off to the UK. im starting to feel old. speaking of feeling old. today is my b'day. hurah for mee! i'm fucking 19 now! whooptidoodledoooo.

--

when the clock stroke midnight. a sudden earie feeling came about. for the first time i'm celebrating it in college. i could feel that the was people looking for me. every knock on the door would make my head turn. finally, the door opened. 4 of me closest friends barged in! 1 holding a big cutter, 1 holding a bottle o drink. 2 of em grabbed my by the hands and dragged me on the floor. i let out a small faggotish scream...

when it was done, i had my prided stripped off me. i felt dishonored..

they ..

theyyy ...

those bastartss..

cut my pubes.

haha well okay they didnt strip my pants off and shaved me bald but then took a lil nip off the top. with a bloody big mother of all cutter. hehe. well it was funny. lucky there wasnt any camera's. good laugh.. fuckers. cheers guys.

--

had a long long time alone to think of what am i gonna major in my degree. concluded that.

I DONT FUCKING KNOW!

pretty messed up that actually i dont know what i wanna do in life. other than to prove those bastards who looked down on me. hopefully the british edu fair will enlighten me and push me to where i'm suppose to be in life.

--

eheee.. after trying soo hard to wait until after exams to get me a new phone. couldnt resist.. gotten a good deal and decided to grab it while its there. now i have 6600. my new baby. mmhmm! will be installing new softwares on it soon. nyeh nyeh nyeh.

--

lastly.. its my fucking birthday why hasnt any of you bastards msged me yet!

ehee.. just kiddin ..

cheers mate. i'm 19 and slowly becoming the man i'm suppose to be. ;P

crash.

there was an accident nearby my house. the only thing in sight was this car sandwiched in the drain. few minutes before heard sirens. pray for mercy.

--

was suppose to play futsol at 1am. fucktard cancelled leaving me squad of 'fancy' footballers bored and squandering about. being such sad losers we are. 'cock' talking started and a whole lotta shits came out. then outta the blue, the topic of relationships came out. turns out that most of us lads are fucking single and we've been fucking single for fucking too long. perhaps?

random flirts and sex do not count as a relationship. those count as hook, line and sinker. haha jk.

so here we are, the 3 of us bachelors. all good lookin, suffers from slight financial problem but all supposedoffly, qualify to have a girlfriend. so wtf was wrong?

*gives out a loud grunt*
* long moment of silence*

me: its them i tell ya. fucking females.
rest : yeaaaa.. damn bitches dont kno what their missin..

*long pause again*

mecousin : tell ya wat lads, today is the 20th november 2004. how about we make a bet who can get into a relationship before new years.
me : your fucking crazy. i aint that smooth no more bitch.
mecousin : impossible is nothing. to top it off. by new years, those who are still single. will have to selfdeclare that their a wanker.
me : wanker huh? we'll see how it goes.

so now i;ve gotta get into a relationship before newyears. impossible. perhaps. hrm. i dont know.

mecousin : heh actually this aint just a bet. its actually to eliminate our fucking sad pathetic relationship status. you singled out wankers! that includes me too.. unfortunately. sob.

a month to go. wanker or not. doesnt matter much to me. not gonna be a desperate lad. no victims this time.

--

so i browsed my phonebook to discover that. i actually havent been having good relations with people. as in i rarely keep tabs on em. heh. gotta work on that during the hols. this made me think, what else do i do subconsciencely.

ironically it turns out that, i'm a family man. i'm mostly happy when i'm around my family. ee mun used to say that i am conservative. guess thats true only on particular aspects. a bad side of me which hasnt left me yet is my grudge. fuck can i hold a grudge on somone. i cant take cancellations or last minute screwups. i get pissed real fast. as in, even the simplest thing can annoy the fucking crap outta me. voice,facial expression even text messaging. if i'm pissed, my face shows it all but i'll deny that i am.

realized also a few other things. how easily friends destroy their future by doing stupid things. most of em by drugs and girls. either your a fucking drug-abusing fucktard. or a dumb ass mofo who kno shit abt relationships that you get your fucking ass in trouble 24/7. wake up knuckleheads. you peep are still young and fuckign studying. dont be over love till love turns to obsession. dont fuck around without knowing what burden you might cause. it just about you. its also about the people around you. the shit you cause, other people migh be a victim from it too.

everything aint about money. morons. you'll earn quadruple when ur older and hav got a proper job. quit sucking on your damn parents money. proven scientificly and rationally that whining doesnt increase financial status.

yada yada yada. shit wtf have i been crapping. oh well.

all i know, i'm glad of what i've become today. though i screwed up many many times. most of em were from outer influence. i choose who i want to become.


'those which do not kill you, will only make you stronger.'

aliens part 2

still cant get the dumbass show outta my head. gotta blog this for history laughs.

--

so joe's all made up abt tellin the world that those 2 blonde are fucking aliens but he's such a lame dumbass people start sayin he's insane. soon more 'frozen boner' remains were found and the police is just baffled with the case. couldnt of shown a more 'jocks with IQ's less than 10' becoming a policeman. since joe made such a big noise abt it. his friends pretended that they believed him. so heres jim (a DJ) abt to head down to a party with his gf(who happens to be blonde).

.... later, jim's half drunk. so his gf pulls him outta the place to have some 'personal time'. she says its a suprise and told drunko jim to close his eyes. moronic jim does what she says and she drags him to a nearby cemetery where she stopped at a tomb.

jim : *opens his eyes* damn girl your a freak.
gf : *dumbfound*
jim : but i likeeeee... mmhmmmm

bloody mofo.

so the both of em enter the tomb to do some 'love wrestle'. so she's ontop of jim with her top off. jim's a very happy mannn and he shows he is by ... *drumbroll*

*wearing his headphones and listens to his music*

rite. mebbe i should do that soon. just to piss the girl of. haha.

so yea. jims dead. joe's all fucked abt it. does a lil research on the alien's by .. *drumbroll again* settin up camera's in the ladies shower and bedroom. FUCKING PERV! soon finds out that the aliens are afraid of heat.

to show how joe's friend trusts his words him. his closest friend (steve) is dating an alien and is abt to get jiggy with her. so her tops off and its all abt to get rough. this moron stops and fucking spills out joe's theory abt her and her friends being aliens. so called 'honest' approach. this somehow touched the aliens heart. so she starts to get all 'honest' to him too.

alien : we come frm outta space ..
steve : ohh.. howd ya guys find out abt this place.
alien : we read it in the papers abt an ice-queen ball.
steve : ohh... so why do ya freeze guys when they bone at ya?
alien : were trying to find a suitable mate..
steve : ohh.. hows that workin out for ya?
alien : seems that your kind's body is too diff for us.
steve : cant ya do anything abt it?
alien : i can try.. but i'm scared..
steve : use me. i'm willing. trust me baby *winks*

so there back in action and the scene suddenly got cut and joe barges in. first everything's alrite but soon steve starts vomiting spiders. spider?! HAHHAHA! okay. steve dies later. booo..

joe's so totally fucking pissed off. he grabs this flamethrower frm a goth girl's room and storms into the aliens dorm. he sees the dorm captain and with 100% confidence that she's also one of em. he fucking throws a bucket of boiling water at her. which he soons finds out that she's not an alien. fucknut.

yada yada yada. joe's the hero. kills all the aliens. comes outta the dorm all messed up. mel appears lookin all worried and comforts joe. brings him back to her room and decided that joe's had a rough day needs some love. joe seemed so pleased as she takes off her top. mel's an alien too. so joe died.

the end.
--

obsession?

woke up this morning realized another part of me which i havent really noticed.

i am obsessive.

past few days all i could fucking think of is getting a new phone and the thought of just waltzing down to pertama complex to get one hasnt left my mind yet.

fuck.
patience patience..
after the exams.

well i guess if i see what i really want. i'll make sure i get it. call me a spoiled brat for wanting everything. but i work my ass off to get those thing.

--

10.30am : *phone rings*
suff : *in a sleepy voice* heloo?
mom: what time did ya come home last night?
suff : er .. somwhere at 5? 6? i cant remember..
mom: *starts blabbering abt work*
suff : okay momsy, thats enough .. its still bloody morning.. bye.

another thing i hate is peer pressure. its fucking annoying when people start nosing on your schedule. i have my own mental timetable with everything planned out. it bloody pisses the hell out of me when when people start badgering me abt it.

*ears start to itch*

fuck hold on. gotta find a cottonbud.

*back*

hrm. while i was diggin the massive itch in my ear with the cottonbud vigorously. a thought crossed my mind.

is this how females feel when having intercourse?

*looks below and imagines*

not bad. hrm. wtf!

*snaps out*

*gives out a sinister cackle*

fear me ladies !

aliens?

heh i just noticed that i could actually blog 3 to 4 entries per day easily when i'm fucking bored. peh.

--

been havin this urge to get a new phone. preferrably the new nokia 7610 or 6600. would totally love to have the 7610 but after calculating my budget 4 bloody times all using diff figures it still didnt come up to the sum i needed. so phark that. high chance of 6600 .. soon .. after exams ..

--

went to uptown damansara for dinner. totally didnt know what to eat there.. so pretty much my stomach did the thinkin and ordered black pepper chicken chop. fuck now i'm broke. oh well. the price of gluttony.

later crashed my cousin's crib. while he dozed off i turned on the tele. suddenly this show was on.

Decoys.

fuck guys watch the damn show. haha. pure B graded movie. heres a short version of it..

starts off showin this guy named Joe(didnt catch actual name) studyin in this university and its fucking winter. so Joe's in the laundry room doing his clothes suddenly these 2 super hot blondes step in and start flirting with him. being such a loser he is, this mofo doesnt kno shit on flirtin so he makes a fool of himself. duh.

being a horny lad he is, he went into the blonde's room to return something. later by accident, he found out that those 2 blonde were aliens. that they had a hole right between their tits. which when stimulated, few horrendous tentacles would come out from.

dumb show. wait theres more!

so later at a party, joe was massively flirting with one of the blondes when suddenly he got ditched by the blonde for the hockey captain who cant even fucking read. dumbass. in his rage, joe swung his arm straight to the captains face but bloody fucking misses and hits this dumb bitch who wore bracess. it was a direct hit into the girls mouth.

*haha! moron mountain!

joe left the party in a rush accompanied by mel (a close girl-friend). later the blonde dragged the captain into the woods. half drunk and horny as hell. the captain couldnt wait any longer. so he pushed the blonde into the snow and start making out. soon the blonde was ontop of the captain. suddenly the tentacles emerged and forced itself into the captain's throat and froze the captain inside out.

*wtf. i think he should of chose spit. not swallow. laughs. :P

the next day, the captain's remains were found. since he died in a state of shock from a 'happy' moment. this is how he looked like.

lying flat on the ground. shirts half off. zipper down with a fucking HUGE boner. hands placed forward as though they were still squeezing em tits. lastly a fucking shock expression of having a cock right down his throat.

*talk about dyin at its worst condition.

--

okay.. shant rant more abt the dumb show. its just too dumb. i only watched it cause the girls innit were real hot. haha. cheap thrill for a bored lad.

bora bore.

bad thing about holidays is that when you run out things to do.

ITS FUCKING BORING!

yesterday i stayed at home .. and for the first time in like what? 4 years? that i actually went to bed at 10 without illness. make matters worst. i'd fucking wake up every motherfucking hour hoping thats its already bloody sunrise. sad part is .. even if it is sunrise i got no motherfucking idea of what to do! hence, yet another sad and boring phase of life begins .. yet again. whooptifuckingdoodledooo.

so here i am. infront of me laptop at 8 am. slowly brainwashing myself with some lindsay lohan video.

yea baby shake that ass.

*pause*

okay right.. as if life couldnt get anymore fucking sad.

i'm bloody 19, single and fuck dudes.. its been like what? 5 months since i actually had any sexual agenda with anyone. couldnt make me a bigger loser than this.

sigh

okay fuck all that. gotta go bath now to see a few lads play footie.

comparison

theres another post before this which i'll post up later. right now i'll rant abt whats on my mind while its still fresh.

dont you just hate it when people start to do comparison with you. so okay its a gift to actually have options when others dont. but how fucking annoying issit when people start comparing.

heres an example :

---

suff : ma .. so if i manage to score in my finals .. do i qualify for any *ahem* reward?

mom : reward? your trip to uk is your reward.

dad : studying abroad in uk is your reward.

suff : *ignores dad* what thats it? come on, i'm even paying half of the trip..

mom : so would you prefer to pay for all of it?

suff : *dumbfound* but come on, be rational.. i fucking deserve this trip.. i already missed out on 2 trips already..

mom : which is?

suff : new zealand .. oz.. ring any bells?

mom : you should be grateful that i'm actually paying for your trip.. when i was young ... bla bla bla yada yada yada.. compare yourself with those who cant even afford to go to uk .. bla bla .. africans .. starving .. bla bla

suff : *totally fucking pissed .. keeps composure .. shall not start cursing aloud*
---

come on man. this is ridicule.
for most of mylife i've been compared, degraded, demoralized for who i am.
my parents were rarely proud of me.
my friends were normally better than me.
they compare my weaknesses. taunt me to amuse themselves. while i simply swallow everything.

--

i kno my weaknesses.
when i actually have something to be proud off.
things just simply got shot down.
just when things were starting to look good.

--

i would say that now i have more confidence compared to last time.
but it still shitty when people constantly degenerate you to make them look better.

fuck these people.

--

mark my words. i'll ensure that i'll be so fucking great. you sons of bitches cant even fucking touch me anymore.

ppfft

kannineh bo chau jheeebaiii!

it took me 15 bloody minutes to type that shit out.. now its all gone.

*mental note : low power supply means LOW POWER SUPPLY

fuck it.

i'll blog on the weekend.

motherfucker

deepa deepa bore bore

epppy depavaleeee~!

heh okay mebbe you could take away the happy part .. cos today is so friggin bored that there isnt anymore 'happy' around anywhere!

bore.

bore ..

bore ...

god help me.

bombs awaayyy~!

ah just got home. man i think i'm gonna get a cold soon cause my body's aching all over. sigh.

================================

went to 1 utama in the evening to get my zara jean's altered, heh of all places.. today 1 utama was packed with people i didnt wanna meet. sheesh! okay call me arrogant as if i give a shit .. like it actually matters..

anyhoo, haha saw jien from M'sian Idol there too. did you guys kno that this lad is like in his 30's .. sad wank.. haha!

=================================

so i'm back at home, having stuffed my stomach earlier during breakfast .. was totally lazing around watching the tele until my cous comes over. nyeh nyeh nyeh! show time !

*i bought abt 100 firecrackers earlier in the week.

so were off, as an opening to our mischief & mayhem we started throwing around the neighbourhood ..

boom ! boom !

this is stealth bomber B71 over, preparing to drop bombs at target..

boom !

... okay perhaps i dont act my age but who the fuck cares .. it was either this or being uberly baffled at the dullness of my life..

*note to self : make life happening. duh!

well then .. its off to see some footie action .. mebbe more along the lines of sleep watchin heh. laters

suffieaee!! 

murdering works

shitty how it seems that i hate acc so much .. havent the slightest interest in doin' em .. hence .. no fuckin work done. bah.. hopefully i'll get enlightened soon to actually do some durin the hols..

===================================

gays? les? wtf !
*laughs in glee*

been checkin out this chicks blog .. and suddenly she starts rantin' abt her friend bein a les.. so here i am .. wif a mischievious smerk on my face .. readin abt her so called date.. >:)

*laughs like a mad scientist*

suchaa intriguing find.. must find out moooooreee!

*continues readin blog..

okay.. will be thinkin of a new layout soon ... this one sucks as hell..

oy

arr thy mate.. a welcome to me sanctuary..