removing all ego

i've been doing some thinking lately. made up some hard decisions and hopefully i'd stick to it.

it suddenly hits me really hard that in a month's time i'd be homefree and enjoying absolute freedom for least 6 months till i further my study. in between those 6 months of waiting period, i've made a decision to work cus i cant just sit my arse down and wait for money to drop from the heavens. so cus money is like the essential part of the modern life, i gotta work least earn a few bucks and not trouble my parents so much. since they've stopped giving me allowance for 2 years already, my sudden existence as a financial burden might trigger some issue's.

so i'd better not trouble them so much.

when i'm not working, presumable that most of my time would be spent with friends or colleagues. but because i havent been a good friend, i've already lost quite a number of contacts over the years. let it be cus of miscommunications over kitty litter or just simply one of us have moved to either live a far or study abroad.

i still keep tabs with those i am close with last time. say my form 5 mates like pansy randy and horny kok, or djs delinquent's like doctormark, infocus zohann, even ovalshaped-drew. i havent even forgotten those tied to blood like afro-reef or skyhigh-harry. it took me longer than expected, but things are good with most of my ex's say, sexy-eemun and theracks-ilee.

i'd be losing a family in a months time when college ends. thus i'd best take responsibility to keep as many tabs on them too.

but it hits me that even with these people to keep me company for the next 6 months. some will eventually move on or away and sooner or later the numbers get less and less. so albeit time will eventually get the best of us, i hope and would want things to be in good terms when things breakdown.

so ill make the first move, by removing all ego which makes me a man. instead putting on a sincere proposition as a human being. i'll talk to j again.

its about time i moved on from acting immaturely, i'm getting sick of those awkward moments and pretty much tired of all the curses and weird glances. though i still strongly feels that she doesnt deserve even 2 cents of my time. you'd never know, much later in life when i might suddenly need her help.

plus. its the season to forgive and forget.

gluttony at its best

i made a bad choice today.

i went for mc dee's ramadhan buffet to break my fast together with aiman, basil, mark, andrew and tjer. albeit only aiman, basil and me were the brave ones to actually participate in this food fest buffet.

imagine, for only rm18 bucks special for this ramadhan period. from 7 till 8 plus i think, you get to eat whatever burger u want on the menu. includes friend chicken, porridges and what not.

tempting isnt it. thus, with our mind set to only one thing 'to eat more than 18 bucks worth of mc dee's' and our stomach growling since noon. we feasted like kings. of mc donalds that is. after taking turns queing and ordering what we want. when there was 5 minutes left to the clock, our table was filled with ...

3 fillet o fish
4 mc chicken
4 quarter pounder
2 2-piece fried chicken (spicy)
4 chicken foldovers
2 6-piece nuggets
3 small fries
3 apple pies
3 chocolate sundaes
3 bandungs
3 cokes

7.00PM breakfast..

like a man who's never eaten in days. within the first 7 minutes, we've already chomped down on the fillet o fish, mc chicken, either mid way through the quarter pounder or the 2 -piece fried chicken.

mark only ate the mc chicken and left. which left us with a bigger job of finishing everything else.

when the clock hits 7.20, we've already slowed down drastically and was now more keen on just sitting there or just staring at blank space. our stomach was already packed and our mouths are just fatigued from the excessive chewing.

but champions we were and we held on, chewing as much as we can, with our food limit already passed after the 2nd burger.

time: 8.00PM

finally finished eating the chocolate sundae and now moved on to bum outside. goddamnit, this was the first time evah even walking was a burden. if walking was a hard, imagine when either one of us cracked a joke. trying to laugh could've ended either one of us flat on the floor unable to move at all. we literally felt like just rolling over to the car instead of walking.

we decided to crash aiman's crib to watch some footie cus our body only permits us to travel that far. the ideal plan was to go to hartamas. alas, our stomachs weighs heavily on us.

i dozed off a bit. when i got up, i had this sharp pain around my stomach as though it was gonna burst. i slowly drove home and sat on the pot to think things through. even after releasing those choco muffins, my stomach still hurt.

so i was stuck at home medicating my aching tummy whilst others went to hartmas to watch footie and ogled at chicks.

the price i pay for gluttony.

sigh.

so unfair.

-

i bought a new pair of shoe's today. their sumwhat like converse's, but the material is sumwhat plastic and it has this zipper at the back for easy wearing. really kewl. i'm so inlove withit. best thing is that it cost me only 50 quids.

50% sale.

wicked sick ey.

i've now partially completed my new clothing line. heh.

will be going down to sg wang to for other minor minor stuff later in the week.

-

united lost 4 - 1 to boro.

eventhough they've broken the record of scoring more than 1000 goals in the EPL. heh. tough luck lads.

funny thing was, before the match fergie said this match was gonna be the opening of the feast before chelsea.

whoopsidaisys!

thats why i say, support chelsea. cus everyone else arent gonna win the epl for the next few years unless abromavich gets bankrupt. get my flow? haha.

eternal sunshine

I find it rather amusing that I often find myself in situations much to my utter distaste, absolutely awkward times.

As I sipped my cold can of vanilla coke with a couple o friends from cyberjaya. Suddenly from afar, my eye catches sight of a man whom with all my hearts regret and guilt, was a victim of my adolescent past. Albeit he still knows not of acts I’ve done against him, as innocent as I am in his eyes. At times it burdens me to keep a straight face and act in a nonchalant manner.

I pray he’ll never find out about it. heh. ;p

-

at times you feel that you are never or hardly satisfied with what you have. You contemplate and dictate yourself over a rational option. Forever fighting between the both of you’s, yet not seeing the previous blossoming of characters brought by one another. Mentioning that life is a choice with many hard decisions, yet when 2 act as 1 is much simpler than just a singular 1. time is a tool to further make one matured. Yet if there isn’t any other way, then what must be must be.

-

awkward moment

forgive me for my ever constant whining.

oh fuck it lah. if u guys dont wanna read about it then just dont. i cant be arsed anymore.

-

so the story goes like, i was in hartamas square enjoying my weekendly dose of footie like any weekend. match wasnt really that interesting cus we sat a tad bit far from the screens. weirdly enough hartamas today was packed, its more packed then usual weekends. put that aside, whilst i was chick/footie watching. i got this weird vibe that somethings gonna happen. call it sixth sense or what not, i hardly believe in supersticious shit like premonitions. but when i get that feeling, its a sure shot something shitty is gonna happen. if not really weird.

i was seating with a couple of lads; my cus, zack, aj, dj assault and dj battery. mr battery being the prolific newcomer dj he is, gets a call and yaps on the phone for a bit. but i overheard him giving our location.

10 minutes later..

j and friends walks up the steps and moves towards battery.

*smack*

guess thats the shit about to happen.

fuck.

there was an awkward moment of silence. absolutely noticeble to anyone even the blinds.

she sat the table next to us, battery joined her table instead for a few minutes till she left.

-

fuck this shit. small world is ass.

a reason to leave for UK asap perhaps. so i wont have to bump into more people i hate.

-

i've only slept for about 3 hours yesterday, worked my ass the whole day to complete my robot's casing. the project demo is on tuesday. thus it means, less fucking sleep and more eyebags to share.

i also have a paper on tuesday right after my demo and one more paper on friday right before raya break.

sudden i feel all the love my college has for me.

like

-

my weights been dropping too, god knows what wonders it'll do to my health next.

60kg. now.

64kg, before fasting month.

lose more weight and i'll look like one of those caricature cartoons with excessively huge head. my mop like hair isnt helping either. plus i'm broke.

yep, i feel loved.

trouble trouble

heres the thing.

for the past week or so, i've been having real hard time waking up for my 8 am class. even today itself i didnt even manage to get my ass up for class. i think tis cause of the fasting and stuff cus normally i'd be the first one up at 7am, but this time i'm like the last one to actually be up.

goddamitt.

i've already skipped too many 8am classes for this week and the last.. MAJOR problem wei~!

gotta get me a fucking huge alarm clock for the next following day.

DIEDIEIDEIDEI!

becausee

yep yep, guess what. its that time of year again..

time for what you might ask?

time for me to whine and make nuisance, cus i need to fill up my UCAS form real soon.

*does a hippo dance with only, i repeat only, slippers*

but i have to say, these slippers arent conventional slippers, their yours truly's favorite pair of 'selipar jepun', the fuck do i know how and why they call em that. why are they my favorite pair, cus one side is different from the other.

so back to what i was saying.

i now have a gigantilon sized headache trying to figure out which university to apply for..

that and also, cus my stomach's like really hungry, so my head's feeling a wee light.

as my head sways left,right,up but not down though in tune with the imaginary melodies.. i just cant seem to figure out a few things..

1 - what to do later at 10pm.
2 - when to bath.
3 - should i apply for a campus uni or not.

so how so how?

i wished it was an easy decision for number 1 and 2, yet actions like dancing like a ballerina with absolutely maginificent leg-movement; Codenamed: Twinkle-Toes, has yet to produce any answers.

why oh why dear lord?

'Avast thou troubled spirit, Nay shall thou be a source of thy troubles no moree..'

ok lor, do assignments at 10. so bath at 8pm lor.

so tis now up to the very last of dire questions..

'to the blessid spirits high above lend me your money!'

so i could be rich for like 2 seconds and then live in a state of culture-shock of being poor afterwards.

-

serious lor, this is getting very stupid.

my head turns too often, cant concentrate.

decide later lor.

pai paiiiiiii~!!

misinterpretation

i was reading my novel, already half through right smack in the middle of the climax, turning page after page not wanting to miss anything. when suddenly was amidst...

'jarod shadowstorm rode on his nightsaber towards the battlegrounds, as the new commander, he gave orders not to attack the new opposition..'

turns to the next page.

"she leaned over towards him and said,'let me touch your chest'."

watafak?!

i later checked the top side to see that they've miss binded my book. i was reading Warcraft - The Sundering, but this new chapter was from 'My Shadow Warrior'.

make matters worst, they binded like 20 over pages wrongly. so i skipped the 'my shadow warrior' part and continued .. without knowing what the fuck happened in those 20 over pages.

i would love to just waltz down to MPH and fuck over the manager, but i bought the book over 2 weeks ago and well, i lost the receipt. looks like i'll just have to pretend that jarod didnt touch anyone's chest. please. especially not during war. who the fuck touches anyone's chest during war?!. GODDAMMIT!

emancipating

there are times where certain things albeit mediocre not to mention a thing of history comes back and suddenly the mind starts to delve once again. its like retribution but without its justice. i hate it. why must it even exist.

argh.

i've been bumping into her a number of times lately, actually almost every 2 weeks or so. same place. moreless the same time. sheesh. i dont even know why i'm making such a fuss outta this. i'm so over her, heck i even feel like throwing a chair at her during the times i bump into her.

ya know like just toss one in the air. hits her on the head and go up to her with words like..

'thats for being so fucking stupid.'

or

'thats for being an accountant.'

i dont know. it just gets me pissy. her stupidity at times and accounts. thank heavens i didnt take business as a major. fuck accounts. i hate accounts.

i'm sorry if this is stale shit, or even really sappy-emo-tak-brutal-langsung blabbering.

cant help it dudes & dudettes.

like i said earlier to my friend..

'i miss the love and hate that goes on in a relationship, as ass fucked as it can be, the scandles, lust and love is what makes life a story to write about..'

single's persona.

end post.

its called unity.

i got back here(college) on monday morning, at first i thought the worst part of the day was the real long ass traffic jam coming here. alas, when i got here i found out some else happened while i was away..

while half of all the seniors(my batch of colleagues) are still asleep, i poked my friend awake as we're actually already late for the 8am class. my friend groggily woke, bathed and whilst on the way to class, he informed me that there was a fight here in college yesterday involving one of the seniors and juniors.

my first question was who was it, then he informed me that it was 'nizam' and later he explained what exactly happened..

apparently, whilst playing your average everyday streetsoccer in college, one of the juniors got kicked in the shin by 'nizam' and held a grudge against him for it. so with all his might and angst, he rallied a few of his friends(8, i think) and decided to get even with 'nizam'.

we seniors stay on the ground floor of the hostel, basically next to one another with doors constantly open for easy roaming abouts.

so this junior gangster group led by one drunkard(either alcohol or drugs), called nizam out at 1am by the groundfloor corridor, they then asked to fight one-on-one thus proving their might. alas, their fighter lost and got smacked to the ground easily, unhappy by defeat, a second fella punched nizam in the gut and as he dropped to the floor, they started to kick and punch him.

imagine 8 vs 1.

a tad bit unfair ey.

but a friend of mine(lee) heard some ruccus, which he later saw what was going on. he jumped right in and tried to help. but with his small sized body, he was kicked and tossed aside easily. maroll was walking pass when he suddenly saw lee getting tossed. he questioned lee, what was going on, which lee replied that he got kicked in the head by them wankers.

without a second to waste, maroll yelled ' Lads!, one of our batch is getting beaten up!'

in an instant, the corridors were filled with seniors ready to pounce at that very instant. the most senior of the group(ai'e), grabbed the troublemaker by the neck and questioned him of his motives and tried to make him plee guilty. yet in his drunkard state, he confidently proclaimed that he wasnt scared and that 'he was bigger than all of us'.

bad answer.

that led to him being punch right in the face, whilst other seniors started punch the lights out on other juniors who were involved. punch after punch, kick after kick, finally the beating stopped when the biggest sized senior(badang) called them off.

the junior had a cut from the top of his head till nearing the bottom right cheek. he was beaten almost to a pulp, but was still able to speak and still thinked he was a stronger.

im not so sure about what happened next. but the junior called his gang from the outside which came much later, together with the police and also a cameraman from ntv7.

the cameraman was associated with the junior, he even tried to blackmail my warden by threatening to post the pictures in the news with the headlines reading, "BMI; Gangster's college". or something like that.

warden didnt even hesitated by replying, 'yes, our college boys are dangerous gangsters'.

nizam and the junior was brought into one room to settle their differences.

we all thought it ended there.

-

yesterday, the junior still showed resilliancy by calling senior to settle outside. they met, finally settled with whoever whom smacked the shit outta the senior needs to pay for the medical.

bollocks.

i still dont think its over just yet.

-

just because you got kicked in the shin, you wanna cause a fight. isnt it a tad bit stupid?
fuck, wheres the brains of these people.

but one thing for sure, it showed how united the seniors are, after 2 years plus of living together, its really a family here. sure as hell gonna miss waking up with all the noise and havoc next year. i'll make sure i get the contacts of all the seniors to keep track. heh.

-

earlier today was viva for my final project.

its so fucking frustrating when ur project fails at the very last minute, only to find out that the batteries were too low to function. so with a quick change of batteries, we're good to go.

ASS.

i think we did pretty well.

watta relief. can relax abit now.

lates.

roots

i went back to my hometown earlier on to breakfast with me grandmum and uncles. this is actually my dad's side, so theres not much hype going around the house since the family his side is quite small. albeit i hardly go back to visit my grandmum, but i always like seeing her. i've had thoughts about just driving down by myself one day and give her a suprise visit. but the thought of not having a conversational topic has kept me from doing so.

my grandmum is actually quite small sized, so was my late granddad, which explains my dad's height. ahaks. but luckily i follow my moms side so i've got a few extra inches. nyeh. i'm not sure what exactly, but i just enjoy seeing her smile. maybe its about seeing old people smile which just soothes your soul.

which makes them unique compared to other grandparents is that they used to stay in indonesia and decided to move here for a better life(perhaps) as a malaysian. but sadly, i've totally no contact with the family over there. the thought of just ya know, searching back for your roots sounds real interesting, but it cost's money and well, truthbetold, at times its just better to leave things as it is.

its always kewl to know that you've got family all over, and even better to know that it doesnt even end there. heh.

i think the next time i go back to my hometown, i'm gonna take a few pictures with my grandmum. ;)

-

tis cus i'm fucking bored at the moment. 2nd session football was cancelled. going out to yamcha in few mins too. so its a quick one. check it!

the three shite.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1) suffian
2) suffieaee
3) suf

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. suffieaee
2. sinister
3. (cant seem to remember)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. seriously i dont know, hair perhaps?
2. my sexy tummy
3. my schlong is long. haha

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. eyes, shortsighted is ass
2. excessive leg hair. too manly. haha
3. nose?

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. close people dying
2. failure
3. love?

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. handphone
2. wallet
3. keys

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. prodigy
2. roger sanchez
3. marilyn manson count as a band?

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. t-shirt
2. shorts
3. headband

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. love
2. sex. haha.
3. trust

2 TRUTHS 1 LIE (in no particular order - happy weeding that lie out):
1. i can only see as far as kissing distance without any optical help.
2. i'm still a virgin
3. i give extremely erotic massages.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1) style
2) attitude
3) tits? ghahahaha

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. reading shite.
2.partying
3. ur typical malaysian yamcha sessions

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. do something interesting
2. go on a holiday.
3. meet more people

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. engineering
2. architech
3. male gigolo?

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1.thailand
2. ibiza
3. bali without its terrorists

cure

"dear o spiteful heart,

why must you be filled with so much hate,

can there be no forgiveness for those whove done wrong,

can you not let bygones be bygones,

must you constantly dwell into matters till so deep,

isnt there a way to reconcile matters of the old,

let bad blood be washed away,

must there always be a weakest link,

they've said their sorry's,

what else must be done,

yet you cringe,

and burn with satisfaction upon their torment,

laugh in glee at their failure,

adding more fuel to the dark hate,

you are a malevolent being,

yet you are apart of me which i cannot remove,

so we dance around the burning hate,

turning each sinister thought into melodic choruses,

hand in hand,

till day break we'll dance,

till you slowly tire during the day,

so i could mask your thoughts,

to those you hate."

potong

i actually wrote quite abit about things that happened last week and this week. but i've only managed to write about half of what i wanted to say. its still in my draft box, but i think i'm just too lazy to continue. soooo.. i'll just give you guys a brief recap of things happened so far;

last weekend;

friday: zohann's b'day party, cyberjaya
it was a small crowd, lotsa drinks and nuggets. everyone went home happy either by themselves or with the help of mr jack or miss chiva's. heh. lotsa photowhoring.

saturday: selangor vs. perlis, bukit jalil
massive crowd able to challenge anfield anytime. definitely a sight to be seen personally. one fucking experience i'll never forget. heh. will come again soon if theres a chance.

sunday: live-acting(Separation-40), sentul west
first time seeing live acting, i was very impressed with the actors,plot and props. absolutely worth while if you have a few extra bucks to spend. concidentally, it was hana's birthday, but we didnt have any extra time to throw her a small celebration. dang it. she left for ireland the following day, didnt even manage to give proper goodbyes. tsk tsk.

'we'll miss youuu hanaaaaa-thestonerr~!!!'

monday-tuesday: project madness, college
chelsea trashed liverpool literally, 4-1 at anfield. thus the season is over, chelsea the champions of epl 2005/06. gah. late nights finishing up my project. finally things are working like their suppose to. yay~!

wednesday: puasa, college
first day of puasa(fasting), very tiring with lotsa sleep attached.

thursday: more puasa, college
the good thing about fasting month is that there's always lotsa food being sold around, pasar ramadhan is wicked with food and lotsa cheap drinks. yay for huge watermelon juice and its only rm1. woot!

friday: balik kampung, home
first day of breaking fast at home. heh, homefood are murder, just cant stop eating. played footie whilst fasting, admirable body endurance haha. weight check, i've lost weight! 2 kg's in 3 days of fasting?!?! SHITE!!

saturday: metrosexualism, 1utama
busied myself doing errands like sending people, buying things and such. heh, bought a new book, hair moisturizer and a hairband. i lost my old one.

-

currently;

very much stuffed with food, will be heading to the mosque for prayers later. yep you read that right, suffieaee is heading to the mosque for prayers. hell i've been going each day since fasting! wooooO! hahahha.

laters y'all!