self reflect

ya know, i just sat for my final paper for my diploma. it feels wickedly awesome that its finally over. i pray and hope that i really do get my ass to UK next year. but thats something i'll worry next year.

i met krys on the weekend, havent seen her in ages. we caught up, laughed and bitched a lil. but things way differ now. she's going through a rough time and what makes me feel a wee bad is that; for the first time, i didnt know how to guide her through it. only thing i cud say was, 'chill kiddo, dont let this shit get into ur head too much'. but truth betold, we are all humans and we at times think a wee bit too fucking much that, when the shit hits the fan, we kill ourselves mentally all too soon before the battle is even mid through.

i am no oracle nor am i a wise man from the high north mountains who knows everything. but as i have lived for 20 years, i've learned quite a bit; esp about mistakes or regrets in life. everyone has had their fair share of mistakes and we all hate the regret feel aftermath. so fucking move on already. cus regrets are for whimps and pussy's. and like that text book saying, prepare urself to overcome worst shit than that.

honestly, i believe i have the worst kind of attitude cus i'm a grudgeholder with a tendancy to feel ultra depressive when shit really hits the fan. but luckily, i've managed to motivate or supressed all the malevolent attitude to a more benificial thing. in my case, becoming a mediocre workhaholic. so if i can change from a person who despises school and work soo much to a workaholic, then its definitely not a conundrum for others to do the same.

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reflecting back to myself. its only after almost 5 semesters or 2 1/2 years of studying in college did i know my strengths. shitty as my college is, it has brought out the best of my strengths and lessen my weakneses. i'm still a tad bit lazy arsed fella that i was 3 years back. but cus i learn fast by observing, i can still keep up with whats going on. i'd smack myself silly too if i'd knew 3 years back that i'd have the guts to speak infront of hundreds of people. now, thats all just a breeze heck i even have to be an mc for my farewell dinner this friday. its all just a matter of putting the words right. i have so much more self confidence now, comparison to when i was in school. guess thats how it feels to ahve a taste of victory, an all natural high which propels u towards more greatness and making u an addict for glory.

all that and not forgetting the foundation u stand on, the friends and family whom have been there for you all along. i owe a planet and a moon to my mom for her support all the while. i owe dad a masters in engineering; cus he couldnt get one himself. i owe a nice dinner for my family; for us to tell tales, share stories and never lose touch. i owe a drinks to all my friends; for all the times i could not be there for em, either to share the moment or when they needed a friend most.

payment will be done soon, i hope ;D

after all, i'm only 20 and i'm still new at being an adult.

yet again another gibberish post. laters people

hello

hey guys,

i actually posted something during the weekend but it got lost in internet oblivion. anyways, its been a long long 2 weeks of college and not to mention final sprint before the finish line.

i just sat for my 3rd paper from 5, and sadly this paper i dont think i did pretty well. i feel a lil frustrated cus i knew i couldve done much better. but hey, cant do shit about it now. so guess i'll push harder for my other papers tomorrow's paper is islamic thought and finally next week's paper is fiber optics. hav to make sure i get good grades for both these papers. heh.

btw, today's my bday. which makes me 20.

to those of you who've texted me on my phone earlier today, much thanks for remembering.. real appreciate it.

just a reminder, i'll be graduating officially by 2nd december 2005. so please do call for outings or what not. i assure you that my schedule is free and i will entertain calls. so hey, pick up that phone and bloody cal me out will yah!

its not freedom just yet, so a longer post will come later .. together with more suprises. heh.

NANTIKAN DI ASTRO!

just kidding.

lates people.

stuff like ..

sheesh.

being at the very last sprint really does take things into a whole new level. meeting datelines are such killers now. though its nothing new, it still gets me uptight and stressed a lil. finals timetable are out and from the looks of it, i think i'll manage if i start in the coming few days. maybe i'll stay back in college the coming weekend too. study a bit and bum with the lads. we'll see how it turns out after i finish my assignments. heh.

i've talked to my parents about the situation about UK. things are still under much consideration, but i still really do hope that they'll send me to UK. cus i've been yapping about UK for 2 years plus now and just the thought of a detour southwards to aussie is too huge of a change. will be submitting other documents for UCAS within the week. see i've got tons o work on my plate. sheesh.

plans for thailand in december looks to be cancelled. lotsa people bailed out at the very last minute and whilst i can still go with other people. it wouldnt be the same as going with really close friends and well partaeying till sunrise. so that'll give me an extra boost in cash and also time for other things. like applications and also find me that suitable job. heh.

i'm lookin for a job which pays least 1.2k per month. hopefully i'll hit a goldmine. ahaks.

my sleeptime is way screwed. my eyes feel extra puffy lately in the morning, a major sign that soon enough i'll look like a panda again. sheesh. oh well. 3 weeks till freedom. i can sleep 24/7 if i want to by then.

heh.

lates.

finale

ahoy lads!

guess what?

i only have about 3 weeks left before i graduate with a HND !

yay!

haha. but before i graduate... theres still lotsa shit left to do .. like..

my assignments arent finished yet, fucked totally! i have this weekend to finish about 4 of em which i was suppose to do 2 of em during the raya holiday. but since things were so laidback and funkedelically entertaining to bum about. i procrastinated. fine. bleh.

anyways. i hope to finish 2 of em by today and well the other 2 by this weekend. i have a public speaking to present next week and gotta revise for my finals. i got 5 papers to sit for. 3 of em i'm a tad bit scared of. but hopefully all's good.

on other news.

i went to fill up my UCAS form yesterday. to those of u who dont know what is UCAS. UCAS is where u apply for Uni's in the UK via online. u get to choose 6 uni's/courses but u gotta pay 15 pounds. so back to my story..

i was at IUACC(a Uni Agent) to enquire about Uni's and shit. i've made a few choices which, i know i'll really adore if i get in. but thats not the problem. the major problem was the financial side of the whole package. i'll only survive financially there, if i get a MARA loan. which is half impossible since they've strickly mentioned that they dont have cash. but i really do hope they change their minds in December. plssss... fuckers.. plsss...

other solutions would mean, me taking JPA loan. but they only fund Meng or Masters in Enginering. which is kewl, cus i do wanna take masters too. but they only fund intuition fee maximum of RM200K.

calculated yesterday;

intuition fee for Meng in UK traditional Uni for 3 years = least RM220k

FUCK. thats another 20 grand extra and excluding fuckin accomodation. i'm not gonna fucken stay in the cold ey. i'll fucking freeze.

sigh. shitty man shitty. just when ur this close to getting that ticket outta here. some bad shit just had to happen.

heres a list i think i'll apply in UCAS. i havent finalized it yet, have to talk to my parents first.

Uni Sheffield - Electronics & Communication (Beng)
Uni Surrey - Telecommunication Systems (Beng)
Uni York - Electronics & Communication (Beng)
Uni York - Electronics & Nanotechnology (Beng)
Nott's Uni - Electronics (Beng)

[ Beng is short for Bachelor in Engineering or Degree]

i still have 1 more slot. still unsure of whic uni to apply for.

the agent said, if i were to apply for JPA loan. theres only 1 uni which would fit in perfectly. meaning it'll cover my intuition fee completely. which is Stradfordshire Uni. its a new Uni but hey, if this is the only place which i can afford. then Stradfordshire it is!

the agent also happen to be a representative of Stradfordshire, so i didnt have to fill that uni in my UCAS, instead i applied direct. mebbe cus their an agent, so they fill me up with bull like stradfordshire is the only place which is juust enough for JPA loan holders.

anyways. i applied for the following courses there;

Electronics (Meng)
Mobile Communication Devices (Meng)
Networking Engineering (Meng)
Wireless Communication & Networking (Meng)
[ Meng is short for Masters in Engineering or Masters]
......

so now i just have to finalize the applicaiton form, submit and wait a few months for the official offer letter to come. pray really hard too that MARA suddenly opens a door for me to get my ass into the UK.

lates people.

i've always hated people who judge others. call it freedom of speech or right's of opinionship. but fuck sake. i just despise it. yea okay, i myself sometimes tend to judge people by first impressions. but if u do prove me wrong, then i'd never hold a grudge against u, heck i'd even befriend u with the utmost sincerity.

i hate taking orders too. call it rebellious towards authority, but the thing is, i'm okay with taking orders that are correct and accurate. not some gibberish nonsense which just because, you thing its right, i must follow and do. i especially hate it when girls who are blunt without a cause. they'd happily give out comments which others might find hilarious, yet because it was so out of the blue. it stuns u for a minute to think.

'wtf'

worst of when their not even close with u.

-

fact;

school was a place i hated. the only thing that came outta there were my close friends. apart from that, is the certificates. those 5 years of high school meant nothing to me. so obviously, in school i was never the one of the popular group. but i did hang out with people from the popular group. so unintentionally, splashes of fame does fall on me. but not intentionally.

second best.

i've heard this term all too often..

i dont give a fuck damnit. isnt there anything in this world which people wont compare u with. its so god damn fucking annoying. i ask u, wat is point of comparing. cus all you do is just stereotype others.

-

yes most of the time i talk shit, even excessively lame shit. but i would rather talk nonsense with u than some serious matters which would make u so dumbfound that, u'd suddenly realise that ur actually a fucking bloomin idiot who's too shallow to even fuckin notice it.

i stand tall with what i've achieved and how i do things, let it be slightly messy/late/unattractive. least i do not condemn others just to make myself feel better.

your just another common pretentious bastard who think ur abit better than everyone, but in truth is just another fucktwat who's on the verge of a shameful downfall and u wont evne see it comning.

-

i await in glee for the time when suddenly ur world capsizes and i whom u look down as dirt last time, become one whom u'd have to look as high as to the heavens in recognition.

revenge is sweet.

celebrate life

ahoy there.

after practically a whole day of eating, seems like its retribution over fasting month. heh. but its alot different than previous years, celebrating raya in KL is much differ from celebrating in my hometown.

after being accustomed to sleeping at wee hours in the morning, i did just that only to be shaken from bed for the morning raya prayers. my parents went first as i was just about to enter the shower. i went there with my brother instead. slowly we took our time, cruising and taking slow strides towards the mosque. nyehnyeh. we still managed to get good seats in the mosque and did our once a year prayers.

after that we went home. preparation for raayaaa. visiting i mean.

tis actually the first the i'm celebrating first day of raya with my grandmom over my dad's side. we normally visit her before and after raya. cus my mom's order and also cus my mom's family is much bigger. so more people to visit and stuff. non the less i've always wondered how it was. well yesterday i finally had a feel of it.

my grandmom lives in tg malim, 70km's from damansara or 45 minutes via car. tg malim is situated after lembah beringin and before ipoh. its actually a small town where people literally know one another, but with the new developement of proton city nearby theres been alotta changes in recent years. one being a huge 'electric' train station already half built.

enough abt the city, my grandmom's place is a small house made of half wood and concrete. it overlooks the railway tracks, so when train passes by, you can hear them heck even feel them. my late granddad used to be a rubber tapper(i think), he also grew fruits on the land. so whenever we came back for visits, especially during fruit season, we'd be eating fruits all day long. he also made the most awesome-est rendang and lemang. but since he passed away, only my uncle and grandmom stays there. we sold the land behind the house and hardly anyone really checks for fruits now. gone also was the legacy of a wicked lemang and rendang recipe. sigh..

yesterday raya however, things were alot livelier than i expected. my cousin was back also, so least had some company. as we dined on some rendang(made) and lemang(bought), the casual talk beings, 'hows thing, whatcha doin now'. i hardly talk to my cousin's last time, cus we hardly hang out much and well both a lil shy i guess. but it was really kewl seing everyone really doing something. heck actually, in terms of academically, i think my cousin's doing better than i am. but least i'm not failing or anything ;D heh. yesterday we chatted quite abit about college and stuff. ya know the latest happenings in our lives. mines pretty dull apparently. heh.

later, i tagged along my parents as they brought my grandmom to visit her cousin. i totally didnt know that my grandmom had a cousin living so nearby. seriously, my bad for being a bad grandson. heh. it was really quite a moment. i was literally dying for an SLR camera just then to snap a few pictures of both of em talking. my grandmom's about 70-ish i think and her cousin was 83. its like, can u picture yourself as old as this and still yapping away as we do now?

or cud it be that when we're this old, we'd chat on the internet instead. heh.

later when we're about to leave. my aunty comes up to me and passes me a green packet, yay!. still not that old to receive some! haha. but when my uncle passes some to me, i feel a tad bit guilt cus he's not really doing well for himself. here he is giving me when he could've used that money for other things.

went to a few more houses. but im too lazy to type. ;D

yay

i'd like to take this opportunity to wish all muslims a very;

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!!

let us commemmorate this day with lots of forgiveness to those who has done us wrong. it is a time to move on and start a new, with extremely full belly's and plenty of red, oops i meant green packets. :D

so those non muslims;
its free food, everyone's welcomed now. so get ur ass to those open houses quick!

a 9 month thing

whilst every other muslim around the country would either be getting ready to leave for their hometowns or already on the way for raya. i am stuck here in kl for the whole ordeal. a tad bit sad, cus i've never actually celebrated anywhere apart from my hometown in kota bharu. yet im quite exited about it, seeing that i always miss my friends open house and stuff.

raya this year seems a bit on the mediocre side. i barely bought any new raya clothes and surely celebrating in kl would mean less green packets to collect. eventhough lately cus i'm like 20, i only get about 50 bucks or so only accumulated. last year, if i'm not mistaken i only collected about 43 bucks. dman sad wei.

so mebbe it aint so bad afterall. heh. its already moreless the same thing, albeith more comfortable beds and extra freedom to roam about at night.

-

i wouldnt say today was the most productive day. cus i keep on sleeping only at about 7am daily and waking up at 12 +. pretty much i'd be a bit lazy to do anything. but today i went to kokmings place. chill and took some photo's. talked to yl abit on webcam/audio. its quite funny though, cus she was listening to some song and she hum'd along, but it sounded like short moans. haha.

respect goes to kokming. wicked sick picture he took. heh.

i know i look good. dont need to say anything. ahha!

-

breakfast with my cousin, cus he's leaving back hometown at midnight and chilled at his place for abit.

theres a new show on axn, called numb3rs. its pretty kewl, cus the show associates math theory's to solve criminal cases. my cousin said its boring, mebbe cus engineers deal with numbers and equations all the time, so it looked real interesting to me.

but i'm not sure how long the show will run. cus if they use a math equation for 1 case/episode, then imagine 4 seasons worth. scriptwriters now have a more difficult task at implementing math equations instead. oh well, its their job.

-

last minute call from aiman made me rush my bath and before long i was on the way to zouk. on a MONDAY. call me crazy man, i only realized i was at zouk on a MONDAY when we're about to leave. heh. it so left like a weekend. least thursday.

unfortunately there was some technical problem, thus we ended up in the loft. really nice place to chill.

came back, ate supper then now at home. burying my heart as once again, aston villa lost.

-

this is only raya holidays.

if it continues like this, for 9 months straight i'll be;

;sleeping at 7am

;waking up at 12pm

;chill at home

;eat dinner

;go yamcha

repeat cycle..

i soo have to get a job soon after i graduate. goddamnit! i dont wanna live a life as a bum..