the gamble
'each man has his own path in life.. choose yours.'
Step up to the plate and prove your worth, I told myself back in the days of high school. 'I was a slacker with the ingredients of success', more than once have i heard that phrase and thought, perhaps its true.. perhaps its just some optimistic lie told by people to make you feel better.
So i took the challenge, heed my calling and did alright, continued and strived harder and still it looked like my path in life was getting clearer and more vivid.
I was thrilled.
For the better part of my life, I felt that I had a reason to be apart of this life. I had a role to play. I wanted more.. a bigger role, which also included more responsibility.
Perhaps maturity brought responsibility with it.
Or maybe, experience brought maturity and responsibility was just something that tagged along.
But i was now responsible for my life and future. Which perhaps included a wife and family in the picture, a house and the financial burden to support all those.
Lets narrow it down abit.
I am responsible for my future.
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Taking the plunge into so called greatness, I challenged myself in an arena which most said was difficult; yet I knew my worth (or perhaps i was over optimistic?) and knew i can make something work.
Plummeting head first into a sea of shark-like challenges, I fought vigilantly and was winning part of the fight. Yet as time passed, it seemed that those fights have left bruises and as it carried on. I seem to be faltering..
Like swimming in the deep cold sea and slowly your muscles starts to cramp, but your life depended on you staying a float. You fight for your life knowing that somewhere some how you'll survive. Holding on to whatevers left, distant memories of your family become your life jacket.
But as the challenges never fade, their like sharks who come every now and then and takes chunks from you.
Time passes and even with the life jacket, your body have lost its limbs.
I've pushed myself so hard knowing that I am worth more than all this.
Even with all the suffering, I was optimistic, thinking that with all this hardship there will come a day of greatness. A day where i say to myself that 'all that was worth it'
But as reality took my final limb.
I perish.
I have failed.
I am sorry.
Even if i survive this, whatever that is left of me is just scraps.
This is my darkest moment and i see not of the light at the end of the tunnel.
