at this moment.

2005 was a great year for me. it was a year of achievements and success, academically and personally. i finished that year longing for a bigger more demanding challenge. something which would literally put me on the edge of my seat and develop me on a personal level to a more mature and professional individual.

the start of 2006 was slow yet it proved to be something worthy of what i searched for. though most of the time the work was informal, from the dress code to the some-time-not-exactly-from-the-book actions, i learned a lot. my mentor was a great person, he showed me the knitty-gritty works of the professional world and what it takes to survive at that level. it was sheer determination and patience (some tongue-twisting required). the work was tremendous and sometimes a wee bit overboard, nearing the end i lost my footing and stumbled for a bit. but i learned a lot, i was reluctant to depart yet i knew that it was for the better part of my individual character building. not to mention, my parents would kill me if i decided not to pursue my degree.

parental guidance. a text-book to my being. it had all the steps needed to be great. though i hardly followed their steps willingly, partially i am still a carbon copy of them. i carved my own path, choosing the harder path, more rigid and not entirely the best of choices. setting a final goal in life to be as equally successful as they are, i pushed myself.

settling down in a different country was demanding, with an academic goal which required so much it is the biggest challenge so far. yet apart from that one main goal, i had my agenda's. it made life even harder. it has always seemed like life was never gonna be easy for me. if it wasnt one thing, it was always the other.

never wanting to have just a taste of one thing, i diversified myself. dipping my toes in as much as possible i wanted to be an individual who could do everything. but realizing that i've always subconsciously put myself in a situation where i've had to push beyond my current capabilities. too often wanting to have a taste of that greater success. i slumped.

yesterday was a testament for which a company actually gave me back my CV saying i am too general. very unprofessional but still .. nonchalantly walking away i was lost for words inside.

they say that for every hardwork it will be paid back in the future. but its already been too long..

im tired.


time to just ride the wave and see where the tide brings me.

perhaps now i will try to live for the present and not worry so much about the future.

piecing together..

'planning is 50%, the other 50% is up to god'

can be said to be my motto about life. that no matter how much you plan and strive to achieve your goals, its still up to god if he feels fit to give you what you want most.

the irony is, i think god already has plans for each and everyone of us. that we're just plotting the dots which he's already marked.

i wouldnt of guessed that i'd end up where i am today a year ago.

contented.

wanting to lead a simple life instead of the bustling hectic work for highest pay or what not.

grown tired of working too hard for a piece of this life which by the time i achieve it, i'd already lose out on time. so why bother..

time to take it easy and move with the flow..

:)

chaos knocking at the door..

i was never one for politics, always regarding it as something which i'd never dive into. perhaps im oblivious to the facts and figures, but i wouldnt exactly put my country in the hands of someone who can just 'woo' the crowd. i believe in electing a leader who's experience speak for itself, like how in the olden days, the strongest or best warrior would be king. so perhaps the best economist or something should lead the country. cus if not, the country would be led by an idiot who promises wonders yet delivers only shame for the country.

but one cant feel a wee bit political when the media back at home is literally swamped with news of the new government and how its structured now. the general election which literally suprised everyone was interesting yet one cant feel insecure about what change it might bring in the near future..

living abroad, people always assume that being asian your either a chinese or indian. me being a malay, they just think i'm in between somewhat a result of a mix of both or something. but i am proud of my heritage and my country. i tell them i am a malay from malaysia, a country consisting of 3 main races; malay, chinese and indians. i tell them about how beautiful malaysia is with its tropical climate and magnificent beaches, the numerous seasonal fruits which i miss so dearly and all the things which europe doesnt have. an iranian classmate fell in love with malaysia instantly when he visited last easter and it felt good when someone tells you that they've been to your country and would definitely come back for more !

alas, words of internal conflict amongst the races.. the struggle for power amongst the already powerful. it destroys the image and passion one has for the country. students abroad are already quivering with the idea of coming back to a country which they dont recognize. their already questioning where is the country heading in 10 years time. being the youth and probable driving force of the nation in the not so distant future, they can only hope for the best and not be apart of a malicious intent of some organization.

perhaps i'm babbling, uttering non-sense which i've no clue about. since i only conclude what falls on my lap, i'm sure theres a bigger picture somewhere out there. but since i'm only a student who's supposedly very busy doing assignments and my final year project.. i just cant be arsed to find out.

:D

taa !