why life's so fucked up

i feel stupid really, dumbfound, blurstruck, utter moron at times like these. but what else can i do. i know that j is already back together with her ex, but i already bought for her something. i've tried figuring out what else cud i do with the mask. its too a special gift that, the only who i can think deserves it is her.

so now, putting on a shameless face. tomorrow morning i'll drive down to shah alam and drop the gift at her house. sigh. together with a hatemail, i mean a letter from me. have a view.. sigh. fuck the world bitches. fuck all o you's!



with that. a letter from me.. i soo wanted to curse at her badly. but after taking few jab of morphine and amphetamines. i managed to calm myself and write sumthing less .. provocative.

here goes nothing..

hey j,
i bought this for you while i was away. i really hope you like it.
dont worry its not expensive. funny how i actuallyhad to box it
instead of handing it to you personally. i was really looking forward
to seeing you when i got back. but i guess u wouldnt say the same
about me. the sudden change really took me by suprise. it was the
last few things i'd expect to happen.but non the less it did and
honestly coming from you would've been alot better than me
finding out from A. but from that i guess it explains alot. what
you think of me and if there even wasan 'us'. even friends are
honest and trustable people. was i a thing for the moment?
i really hope not cus i really did enjoyed ur company, but i guess
the road stops here then.. as stubborn that i am, i really wanted you
to have this. it may not be much or nothing at all to you, but i really
felt like giving this gift to ya. a token for the 'moments' of friendship
we had. i nvrpictured it to be like this. alas who am i to determine things,
good luck and all the best in life..

-suff

and the word of the day is .. LOSER! together with the number... nope no number just LOSER!