spiteful

there is no easy way to resign.

no matter how close nor spiteful you are with your employer. when the word resignation comes to mind. it means an end of a work relation, a breaking point. even if your employer say their fine with it, its understandable what not. it will still affect them in terms of workload.

if you were a team player, then it'll be a huge loss and the burden will be felt in the team.

if you were the dodgy end which caused friction in the team, well they'd be glad your gone. but it still ended bitterly.

there is no way of putting it in nice simple words.

i sent my resignation letter last tuesday. didnt actually get a chance to explain to my employer face to face. but pretty much is mentioned in my letter. crossing my fingers that he'd understand. i left the letter on his table and left.

2 shifts left, i wanted to make the best of it.

but i was struck with a severe case of diarrhea. so i called in early this morning to say that i couldn't come in. unless he'd want someone who'd work for 30 minutes and spend another 10 in the loo then back to work again. thinking that he'd understand..

apparently not.

he bitterly says that he'd expected me to do something like this after i left my resignation letter. if i actually had food poisoning i'd be warded in the hospital and an investigation would be held.

i tried explaining things. yet he didnt wanna listen. he was fixated that i purposely didnt want to work the last 2 days just to cause trouble. i only told him that i was sick today, didnt say a peep about tomorrow. but he already jumped to his own conclusion.

half pissed. i said okay. i'm really having food poisoning and i cant come in today..

pushing the limit, he says okay dont come. goodbye.

already gone way pass calming down. i just hang up and went back to bed.

obviously he's got some major issue's to be settled. but since he was so eager to tell me off, i might as well dont come to work tomorrow as well. i've got better things to do anyways.

thats the issue with having homosexual employers, they tend to be extra sensitive and expect us normal blokes to understand.

well duh. in our eyes your still a guy and we're not going to go all delicate with our words like how we speak to girls now are we?

so piss off.

must my day start off so badly everytime!

not quite dead. yet?

harhar!

this blog is moreless dead without its routine update and what not.

well, i guess saying that i'm busy cant exactly cut it. so i'm not gonna say i'm busy. instead i'm going to say that my laptop is being fixed. ;p

yep, my super hightech laptop is being fixed, its already been more than 2 weeks and believe me when i say life in the UK for a student is half dependant on having a laptop. not having a tv? not an issue! no internet, still surviving. no laptop? dead!

its not a serious matter, i just sent it in cause i wanted to fix the loose/idiotic adaptor connector which doesnt actually stay in. even a small shake of the table could make it come loose and voila! laptop shutdown!

so yea, its just a small problem. yet its taking more than 2 weeks to fix. why? because in the UK everything is Phone-In based!

have a problem with your laptop? Go online or Phone us and we'll assist you. bring in down to the shop? No no no no ! please. just phone us. just a small problem? phone us!

so i phoned them up, thinking that it'll take probably moreless a few days to be fixed. But i was WRONG! its times like these you'd be happy to be in Malaysia and get ripped off by the people in lowyat for fixing a small problem. least they get it done instantly!

i've been living in exile for the past 2 weeks now. going to labs to use the PC, which uses UNIX, which doesnt help either. gah.

-

there are times when you just question god, like a couple of weeks back. i wanted so badly to get the IT support job. the interview went well. but in the end, i didnt get it. i was suprised, saddened and depressed. everything looked to be going my way but in the end it didnt.

soon enough it became clear why i didnt get the job, as later on i had to make a decision to quit my current job in order to cope with my studies which seems to be going from bad to worst. i was reluctant, yet i knew it was for the best of things. handed in my resignation letter few days back.

i was stressed up and needed to loosen up, a proposed quick jog around campus did clear my mind. but the following day i was stuck with bad case of fever. when that subsided, i was then hit with some god awful diarrhoea.

will there ever be a silver lining to this gloom?

then yesterday i got a text from home.

unexpected.

i froze, a quick phone call back home confirmed it.

it was good news :)

something which i'd share with you guys soon. just not now.

:D

oh dear

so yesterday i had to make a decision that would either make or break my degree..

i always hated making these type of decisions, cause for one their never all that good. the moment you decide on something, before long it turned out that because you chose that way, you missed out on things that don't normally come along everyday.

sigh.

but i cant help it.

i'm sure i'd suffer from my own choice.

because i thought it was a good choice at the time. but oh well, perhaps this time it'll be something worth choosing for.

hasn't been a great last few years for me actually.

what happened to all the good things that happened in 2005?

do i only get 1 good year and a continuous boring if not bad years?

oh well.

enough rambling !

work work work !

Raya

waking up in the morning, not wanting to get out of bed. i stare into an empty space. a sudden annoyance from the old carpet makes my leg itch. still sleepy, i curl my body to scratch it.

the air smells different, different from all the paint and smoke of the city. here it smells of wood and coal smoke. suddenly out of no where, comes a pillow swooping down. it hits me on my head, yet i do nothing. pretending to be asleep.

a familiar voice was heard, more of a command then a request.

i slowly got up and headed to the shower, following instructions.

as the excitement slowly builds as i got out of the shower, i put on my new clothes. buttoning up the cuff's to the very top. adjusting my sampin to make it symetrical. i look into the mirror.

smiling to myself, today was different.

it is 1st of syawal. hence the end of fasting month. today beckons for lots of good food, good company, long small talks, stuffed belly's and sincere apologies.

returning from the mosque, it was tradition to ask for forgiveness from your families first before heading down to the kitchen for the glorious food that beckons. getting down to my knee's, i look straight into my dad's eyes..

in a sincere and most honest tone,
'Happy Eid Mubarak Father, I am sorry for all the bad things I've done in the past, May you find it in your heart to forgive me, your only son who's always giving you headaches in the past.. Hopefully, it not as frequent as it used to be.. heehee!'

as i lowered my head to kiss the hand of my father and later spreading my arms for a hug, with the hopes that i've made him proud of me for who i've become over the years.

turning to his right, is my mother. looking beautiful and happy as she always is on the first of Eid Mubarak.

'Happy Eid Mubarak Mother, I am sorry for all the burden which I've caused in the past, I know I've been more than just a handful to you. Stubborn and rebellious at times. I hope I've made you proud for who I am now, I've never forgotten the faith you've shown me in the past when I was not at my best behavior.. I am you son and will always be..'

kissing her hand, I reach out to give her a long warm hug.

asking forgiveness from siblings however has always been rather cliche, a quick reaching out of the hand and semi-sincere, 'Happy Eid Mubarak!' wish followed by a nod to signal that its now all even.

haha.

when everyone has said their forgiveness, its then time to feast and mingle with the relatives. which has always been interesting, as most of the young one's would've already grown so much the last time. a year has goneby and for all those silent days without contact. it was time to catch up whilst feasting on some good homecooked meals.

-

that is Eid Mubarak for me back at home.

Hope you guys are having a blast ..

Happy Eid Mubarak. Enjoy

Eid Mubarakh

Happy Eid Mubarak to all Muslims reading this page. As for the rest of you, go on then! Head on over to your muslim friends house to join in the celebration..

cus everyone loves free food!

anyways, as i am a lazy brat to now rarely posts anything on this blog.

i have more bad news.

my laptop has been sent for repair, thus i will not be blogging anytime soon till i get back my laptop.

that is all.

byebye!

har har

humans are such contradictory beings, the moment the situation changes, they'd demand for something else which would best suit them. pretentiously trying not to act like there isn't a single hypocritical cell in them.

in my mind, i picture myself as a social butterfly, fluttering from one social group to another. constantly making new contacts and gathering as many friends as time permits whilst rarely ever stopping on one spot for too long.

even my personality test traits proved so.

yet as history has shown me, too much of something isn't a good thing. so i set myself boundaries which i'd avoid. no matter how much the temptation. locking myself in my own tranquil world, reluctant to reach out and venture into the outside world.

'life's too short, why not let loose?'

'but if life is too short,then why make it shorter?'

which basically contradicts my second paragraph of being a social butterfly.

just like the software which i'm developing, a genetic algorithm set with a certain fitness level encapsulated inside certain boundaries. my mind thinks more less the same way. for each of my action, 7 versions of myself appear in my head. each voicing out its own opinion of a good choice. as they argue and stab each others tongues. the fittest or most rational would win.

my minds forever at work.

there are days were i picture a huge conference of the 7 versions of myself in a huge debate about the recent choices i've made, just to realize that i am alone at my desk as the clock ticks away.

i savor my 15 minutes walk to work, why?

because that is when i set my life goals, re-examine where i am today and rethink the mistakes i've recently done.

does really make me sound like an anti-social person doesn't it?

maybe i am, maybe i'm not.