fucked in the head

i woke up yesterday from a dream.

troubled.

i sat alone in the dark. recollecting my thoughts and reminiscing what i dreamt. though it left me pretty much fucked up, it wasnt a nightmare. it was actually a memory. memories of a bitter past which i once thought i'd overcome. yesterday night somehow, it came back.

it felt only like yesterday, yet it has already been years.

suddenly i felt like i was in complete solitude. though i glanced left and right and i see my roommates sleeping all so soundly. have i shut myself completely that i feel alone even around the presence of friends?

doubt so.

so why the fuck now damnit?!

am i now not a better person than which i used to be? have i not changed? then why do i still feel so damn fucked up everything it comes back? do i need to whine and whimper to other on my weaknesses till i become a walking billboard of emotions?

bitchy.

i pretend that i know what i was made for. that life has bigger plans for me.

well sad to say, in my life. there wont be any weaknesses.