life's perfect lil twists

last night i had time to think abt life and its funny lil twists..

guess this happens alot with me when i cant sleep at night. bugger.

twist.

i notice that i do my self-observation awfully alot in the past and i appologise for the constant rambling as i write abt them so often as reminders of who i am for future reference.

i got ditched last night by my friends cus there was a missunderstanding about time. one fella's fault but hey, i didnt really mind. i needed to get some fresh air anyways. which later when i got home; i couldnt sleep and thought abt .. well almost everything.

counting down to the days i have left in malaysia .. 30 days to be exact.

for those of you who havent been updated. my flight is on the 3rd September .. NOT 31st August. there was some trouble with the travelt agent. thus the delay. mind u my classes start on the 4th september. so it'll be a rush .. anyways. where was i..

studies;
i like engineering and i will graduate as an engineer. its a goal which i had since young and i will not stop till i achieve that title. but i cant promise u that i'll work as a fulltime engineer. perhaps my job lies sumwhere else. least i ensure i graduate as an engineer. honestly speaking; given my background, i'm suprised i even made it this far. whatever it is; i'm happy i chose engineering, i wouldnt of picked another major ..

job;
from what i see, i'm a very goal oriented person. set a target and hit it. perhaps i'm not into a day in day out type of job where u do the same shit different day. but then again, i cant take an unstable lifestyle for long. as from the most recent one .. i seem to suffer from fatigue which affected my performance really badly. i think getting ajob wouldnt be that hard.. i enjoy a challenge. hurm.. full time engineer, researcher or even an event manager. i'll work thru it. no worries here.

money;
i had fun thinking abt this one. havent we all had that talk .. 'imagine if u had 1 million dollars!' well, yesterday i found out. if i had that much money. i wouldnt really like it that much. cus of the drastic change it'll bring to my life. at this age; i can honestly say it aint all about money. i'm happy with what i have.

if i had unlimited cash; i'd be stripped of honest friends, grow really fat from overeating, end up doing really stupid things, lose on a major goal in life, forget/wouldnt know abt the average people, snobbish and not realize it .. till a point i'd hate me if i met me somewhere.

maybe im a very practical person. i wont buy if i dont really need it.

love;
recently i got a shocked of my life when i was accused of being 'desperate' by a friend of mine. if wanting to be loved by another is desperate, then i am guilty of being so. i believe every man,women and child wants to be loved. and if doing so is a desperate act. thus, i'm lost for words. whats wrong with wanting affection from another? given my history in relationships, well i dont think i deserve that label. maybe others see me differently, i guess i wouldnt know .. but again, that label came from a friend who's obsessive abt his girlfriend and cuts his wrist almost everytime some arguement happens.

so who's the one with the real issue's ere?

i know i jump thru hoops for those i love. time and time again has proven that i often take too many leaps of faith when it comes to relationships.

who knows.

friends and family;
often i try to balance time i spend with my friends and my family. but it can never be enough. its just always one sided. i know family comes first before friends but there are just times when talking to friends feel much better. my friends have come and go .. its still hard to find really really close friends. guess i also keep my guard up when choosing friends.

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anyways. its kinda late. gotta do some stuff.. lates. sorry for the assy post